For the majority of folks, the street to individual change and self-improvement is a long and winding path filled with tricky barriers. Pharmaceutical companies in particular have capitalized on and created immense fortunes based on the elusive search for the "Magic Pill" that will make all of your dreams come true. As it turns out, there is a secret formula for success, and it begins in the human mind.

One of the rules of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is that "there is a positive intention behind all behaviors." And based on that presupposition, when it comes to successfully eliminating negative behaviors, there is an equation that we should keep in mind. I'll let you in on the secret formula in a minute. But I have a riddle for you to solve first.

Riddle: A holy man made his son drink lye, which burned out the child's vocal chords. What was the positive intent behind his action?

If you are like most of the clients who have visited my office since 1978, you'll exclaim something like: "There isn't any positive intent behind that behavior." But you would be completely in error. To answer this riddle, first you must separate the behavior from the positive intention of the behavior.

The preacher's son was cursing. And the preacher believes that if a child curses, his soul will be condemned to Hell. So the answer is that the preacher was burning out his son's voice box so that he couldn't curse. By doing so, he was saving his son's soul from being predestined to suffer in Hell.

The secret formula for successful change works as follows:

We must respect the positive intention behind every behavior. If we have an impulse to engage in a behavior that we don't like, we can quickly get rid of the compulsion to use that behavior. All we must do is to find a different behavior to substitute in its place. To be successful, the new action must be as available and effective at accomplishing the same secondary gain, but be more consciously acceptable to you. This is called a REFRAME.

When clients come into my office, one of the first things that I do is to take a comprehensive case history. Let's imagine that they come to me and ask me to help them eliminate their appetite. Conventional wisdom tells us that the two main reasons that anyone eats too much food are: (1) to tranquilize themselves; (2) because eating can be a behavior triggered by other behaviors that it has been associated with (this is also known as a conditioned response). For example, if a person eats while they are watching TV, they will develop a conditioned response, and thereafter, every time they sit down to watch TV, they'll get cravings and an urge to eat.

However, the above answer only takes into consideration the possible secondary gain from the behavior of eating. What if they also have another behavior that is involved in the equation? For example: What if being obease is also a behavior for this person? I can hear your mind working away right now as you think, "Being tubby isn't a behavior, what are you talking about?"

Sorry but you could be 100% incorrect. Here is one classic textbook example that will clearly demonstrate the fact that being tubby can be a behavior. It can be a behavior because it can accomplish positive outcomes.

Example: A woman falls in love. Her partner breaks up with her, and her heart is broken. Her unconscious mind wants to shield her emotionally and prevent her from having her heart broken again. So it motivates her to get tubby to keep her out of relationships. Because if she isn't in a relationship she won't get her heart broken again.

The point is that everyone is totally different. And sometimes there are subliminal elements at work that cause compulsive behaviors. These are elements that are different for each person.

Here's another case in point: A woman comes to my office complaining of an unmanageable urge to eat way too much at mealtime. During the case history, upon questioning, the woman explains how she was never able to please her dad.

We did an age regression, and one of her earliest memories was of eating a meal with the family. And dad was insisting in an authoritive voice that she clean her plate, even though she was full. So she ate the food left on her plate out of fear, and her father commended her for eating everything. It was one of the only times in her life that she could recall her father telling her that he was happy with her.

Shoot forward to present day. Her dad has been dead for many years, but the unconscious program he programmed is still at work. She still has a compulsion to clean her plate, even if she is feeling bloated, because by cleaning the plate, in her unconscious she is getting dad's approval, and eliminating her fear!

So if you have a problem making personal changes, please remember that there is a positive intent that causes all behaviors. And the secret formula for success is to use a different behavior that will achieve the same positive intent, but in a manner that is more consciously acceptable to you, as an individual. The most effective way to get your unconscious mind to take the responsibility for making this kind of change for you is through a Neuro-Linguistic Programming Six-Step Reframe.